Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So what if I have slacked off

So I know it has been some time since I last put anything up. That doesn't mean nothing of note has happened, it just means I didn't post anything. I'm not even sure if anyone looks at this thing. I started it with the idea that it would be a place that I could just spew out my thoughts about Sara and her treatments. At first I felt like I would have loads of feelings and thoughts about the whole thing. But as it turns out I haven't. Don't take this in a negative way, it has been emotional and and at times very draining. It's just that typing crap out isn't as therapeutic as I was thinking. It maybe that I am just dead inside, or maybe I am too shallow for such a deep activity. Either way, I have slacked off. I do enjoy putting this stuff out there for the three of you to read. I also enjoy the comments Sara gives me about what I have typed. So I won't quit. I just figure on there being breaks, times when my emotional Dixie cup just isn't full. This is actually a good thing. It means Sara has been doing good.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Meltdown #3


Monday, June 28, 2010

Sex machine solar panel

So what do you call it when you have a bald spot on top of your head? A solar panel for a sex machine! Well if that's true then me and Sara better not be bothered for a few months. Yes the time came for my dear wife to go all G.I. Jane. She finally had enough of the shedding and gathered up the ladies and buzzed her hair off. So to show my love and support I too buzzed off my hair. Of course I don't have much hair to remove, but the hair I had left on my noggin was removed cleanly. For the time being Sara still has some dark fuzz up top, I went straight to skin. Go big or go home and if its weak don't bring it in! I must say, Sara has a good looking head. Its not bumpy or deformed. Its a perfectly shaped head. I was glad when she decided to kick the hair to the curb. It had been hard to see her struggle with what to do with it. But now the fun can begin. Wigs are funny things, its you wearing it but you don't look like you. She has three, three different looking wigs, its like three different chicks! How you doin?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A guys life

As some of you may be aware my wife has been up at her dads house all week with the kids. And that of course has meant that I have been living the single life. And by single life I mean I have been doing the things my wife doesn't let me do when she is home. The biggest and most fun for me has been the construction of my very own Mt. Dew fort! Yes, 33 year old men like building things out of cans. Your own personal moral affiliation usually dictates what type of cans are used, but not matter the beverage men like to stack empty cans. Mine currently sits in the middle of the kitchen island. It is surrounded by a variety of additional empty food containers. Along with my construction project I grown accustomed to using the bathroom with the doors wide open, its almost as much fun as peeing out side! The only thing that makes it weird is when my dog comes in and looks at me. To be honest it does creep me out a little and nearly caused "stage fright". I have since recovered.
It has been odd not having Sara and the kids around. My heart got squeezed the other night when Brinlee called from her Grandma Lori's house to tell me that she missed and needed me. She was crying and just wanted me to come and snuggle with her. She was real tired after having an extremely eventful day. It is great knowing that Sara is getting so much help up there. This first treatment of chemo hasn't knocked her down much, but we know that will change. It is great knowing that we have so much support.
Tomorrow is Friday and that will mark the end of my bachelor lifestyle. Tonight I will have to finish up my fort and then pickup the rest of my junk. I've had a good week, but I can't wait to see my family.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

And so it is

Well, the day arrived. Sara started chemo this afternoon. I was basically not invited to beginning event. Sara's sister Melissa made the trek from Heber City to the St. George to be with her little sister for this totally unreal event. Still seems distant to me, but I know that it is sitting square on my face like a 600 lbs Biggest Looser contestant. Cancer. But, I did get the call to bring some food to the treatment room, that was a interesting time. Sara was all plugged in and chilling in a plush lazy boy. It was her and two other fun ladies. They were fun, first one lady is the mother of the Southern Miss Defensive Coordinator Todd Bradford. So that meant I could talk about college football for a few minutes, so it was awesome. Then the other funny old lady started telling use a story about her neighbor who is also an elderly woman. Apparently this neighbor lady suddenly became a grumpy lady. Sara's new chemo buddy feels this is because she is married to an 80 year old man and is experiencing a negative change in her sex life. Listening to an elderly woman discussing the sex life of other elderly women is funny, all of you should add it to your "to do" list. On a side note, chemo medication looks very much like cherry Koolaid. I feel it is a connection that really could be expanded on. The chemo experience could be enhanced if you had flavor options. The current metallic flavor is not popular with the focus groups we have met with. I think a passion fruit, wild raspberry or even Tigers Blood should be considered. Moving back to real issues, I went back to work and allowed Sara to complete this inagual treatment with her sister. Sara finished her treatment around 1pm and felt good enough to want an In n Out burger and to do a little post chemo treatment shopping. I will not complain about that, I was lucky enough to get a new pair of shoes out of the deal. And I am a total girl when it comes to shoes. So, now we will finally see how our lives change. Chemo makes this thing real on a whole nother level.

Before I go, just thought I would get input. How successful would a moble, in home, breast exam service be? Think about it, celebs have moble spray tan and hair stylests. Why not breast exams? Just an idea.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Meltdown #2

So, this has been a banner week. One, there was enough junk going on at work this week to keep everyone busy enough with their own lives that I didn't get cornered with cancer questions. I know everyone means well and they do want to help and be supportive, but asking me the same questions daily gets rough. It may sound mean, but I do like getting away from the reality of it at times. But I find it difficult to find a place to hide from it all. I can only blame myself, I did tell everyone and the dog about this thing. But its not like I have ever known where my personal mute or edit button is. I am not shy, I generally don't get embarrassed by things, and I share. I share too much typically, just read my last post. Like I mentioned before, I know that people are only trying to show their love and support. So please don't stop showing me your support. I do like it. But just stagger it some. Maybe come up with a schedule like in college, MWF ask, TTH don't, Sat Sun get drunk and forget that you had something due on Monday.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Just to start

So, I am proud to say that I saved my wife's life. Yes, I did. I saved here life by trying to get some action. We were in bed, I was feeling her up, and I found it. A big lump just sitting there. I wasn't sure what to think at first, didn't know if she already had noticed and knew it wasn't an issue, didn't know anything. But as you can imagine, I didn't get any that night. No, what followed was a series of doctors, test, and procedures. And eventually the answer that we didn't want to hear, CANCER. So odd the way thins happen in life, at 7:59am you know you are late for work, at 12:00pm you know it's lunch time, 3:30pm you know nothing. So what do you do? How do you react? All that is for sure is that what you thought was happening that next weekend isn't and plans for the summer don't exist. All you hear in you head is Cancer. So, you move on, its all there is to do. You move on to the next doctor, move on to the next test, and move on to your next treatment. Blood work, scans, and surgery. Them more tests, scans, and doctors. My goal is to talk about my side of my wife's breast cancer. Help myself more than anything. Maybe help someone else along he way.